Delivering Messages of Appreciation

Most of us agree that words of appreciation feel good to us when we receive them.  They provide us with validation.  We all want to know that we are valued and belong.  So why aren’t the words ‘you make a difference to me’ spoken more often?  One reason is that we feel uncomfortable delivering the message.  Some people feel vulnerable sharing their thoughts with another person.

If you’re someone who feels awkward giving messages of appreciation, it may take some time to gain comfort and ease in doing so; however, the payoff is tremendous.  Words of appreciation strengthen relationships.  When individuals are recognized and acknowledged for their good work, contributions and characteristics, they tend to be more engaged, motivated and loyal.  You very well may see a difference in the contribution and commitment your employees, volunteers, and donors make.  Customers and clients, are likely to be more loyal to you when they know they are appreciated.

If you feel uncomfortable delivering messages of appreciation, there are a number of steps you can take to deal with the unease.  Perhaps the most important is to recognize that the discomfort you feel is due to your own thinking.  What are you telling yourself about the situation?

You might be telling yourself, “I can’t do this.”  But…is it a matter of ability or willingness? Telling ourselves we “can’t” do something doesn’t change our ability.  It does, though, change how we think about it.  Often it’s not a matter of whether we’re able (e.g. “can’t”).  It’s more a question of whether we’re willing to take on the challenge.  We can do most anything we put our minds to.  Instead, consider saying to yourself, ‘Though I’m uncomfortable, I can and will let Al know I appreciate his hard work.’

You might be saying, “I’m too uncomfortable.”  But… is that really the case?  Adding the word “too” to our thoughts adds more weight to the way we think about the situation, but not to the reality. Thinking in terms of “too much” doesn’t change the situation.  Instead, it’s much more useful to say to yourself, ‘Speaking words of appreciation may be challenging for me, but it is not beyond my capacity.’  Removing “too” from your thoughts lessons the strength of emotion and will help you feel more at ease acknowledging others.

You may have felt awkward at other times in your life.  If you’re reading this article, you survived.  Vulnerability might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but we survive temporary discomfort.  You might write out your thoughts about your concerns before you deliver a message of appreciation.  You can then re-read what you wrote after delivering your acknowledgment.  Was it what you expected?  It’s easy to make the situation scarier in our heads than it is in reality.

Another thought that tends to stop us from delivering messages of appreciation is, “I don’t have the time.” If you want employees to remain loyal and stay long-term, customers to return, volunteers to stay with your organization year after year, and if you want lasting and fulfilling friendships, consider the importance of appreciation.  If your long term goals include building healthy and strong relationships, it is in your best long-term interest to invest the short amount of time it would take to thank someone for the difference they make to you.  You may find you have time to provide appreciations that will reap tremendous rewards.

Keep in mind that most new habits feel awkward or uncomfortable while you are developing them, but the reward and benefit of establishing the habit of appreciating others is well worth it.

Still feeling uncomfortable?  Send me a message or write about it in the comments.  Who will you appreciate today?

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