Make Your Appreciations Count

I just finished reading The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman and Paul White.  I found it fascinating.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you said, “I can never please her!” or “There’s no satisfying him!”  It’s possible that you are doing all the things that would show gratitude, caring, and be validating to YOU, but those actions may not feel the same for your partner/colleague/friend.  You may be missing the mark for the other person.  Without necessarily knowing it, we each have our own preferred way of being appreciated.  It is an interesting concept to contemplate.

The authors of the book believe there are five primary ways individuals feel appreciated.  There are variations within each theme.

1. Some people love words of affirmation – spoken or written.  Someone acknowledging them verbally or through writing for something they have done or a quality they have helps them to feel valued, validated, and cared for.
2. Some people feel cared for when someone spends time with them – focused, uninterrupted time.  To those people, someone choosing to spend time with them feels to them that they matter and are valued.
3. Some people feel cared for when someone offers service and support.  These people tend to be doers.  For them, when someone notices that they are overloaded or overwhelmed, and offers assistance, it sends the signal that the other person cares for them enough to want to help.
4. Some people feel valued and appreciated with gifts.  For them, when they receive a gift, it means the other person took the time to think about what would be meaningful to them.  That thoughtfulness makes them feel valued.
5. Some people like a pat on the back, a handshake, a fist bump.  Physical touch shows them that you care.

I recently shared these five appreciation approaches with some friends.  I found our conversation and their responses enlightening.  One of my friends is a school teacher.  She gets “love notes” and drawings from her students frequently.  While she appreciates these notes, she most feels that sense of caring and appreciation when one of the parents or fellow staff members brings her a cup of coffee (or a gift certificate for one).  Coffee is one of her favorite things.  The thoughtfulness of a gift of coffee demonstrates to her that another person understands what’s important to her and that feels acknowledging and caring to her.

Another friend of mine values time together.  When there are festivities to celebrate, it’s meaningful to her that the people she cares about show up.  Their presence means that they care.  While words of appreciation through cards and notes are nice and welcomed, it’s time spent together that matters most to her.

The authors of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace offer the important insight that the type of appreciation each of us prefers may be different from what our friends and colleagues prefer.  That difference may determine whether or not we feel appreciated by another’s actions.

It’s not to say that each one of these methods of showing appreciation don’t resonate with us.  Any appreciation is welcome, but some may be more meaningful than others to us.

You might consider the people in your personal life and at work.   What would best communicate to them that you appreciate them?  It might be helpful to find out.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this topic.

• Share on Facebook.
• Share on Twitter.
• Share on Google+
• Share on LinkedIn
• Share on StumbleUpon